Peter Archer - the modern-day alchemist, an inspiring story of passion, hope and love.



Peter’s Story



Section Two - Episode Four

“Meagan”




Continuing on with the version of the story written in October-November 1998, for self-therapy purposes.....







Towards the end of the series of “Breath Express” workshops, I met the next major influence in my life, Meagan.....




Peter on Christmas Day 1994, in his famous purple silk shirt Meagan attended the very last of the “Breath Express” workshops, on the weekend of 20 to 22nd January, 1995.  To begin with, I was not impressed at all by her.  I remember thinking during the workshop that she was a bit of a wimp. But during a later workshop (a one-off workshop on “Sex, Love, and Intimacy” on 10 to 12 February), suddenly my whole world changed.  We were doing a process together, and “Bang”, it hit me right between the eyes, and I was hooked!





January 1995, on holiday in Golden Bay, shortly before meeting Meagan My relationship with Meagan was just what I needed, just when I needed it.  All through the previous year, I had been longing for a “relationship”.  I remember looking longingly at every attractive woman (and there were many of them) who came through the door of the “Breath Express” workshops, but nothing ever happened.  I had just about given up, when suddenly, just when I least expected it, there she was!






The house at Horokiwi, Wellington. My room where we spent a lot of time is the top left window For the first few months, we had a real cruisy time.  I would usually go to her place on Friday after work, we would maybe go to a movie, spend the night together in her bed, lie in bed until at least mid-morning, go to a cafe for a leisurely lunch, maybe another movie, then to my place up on the Horokiwi hilltop to spend time in my lovely big room.  If it was winter there would often be a fire in the lounge and some time spent with some of my flatmates (several of whom were also “Breath Express” junkies).




Me standing in the big room, where Meagan and I spent a lot of time, often lying on the bed in the sun on a Sunday morning. Sunday we would lie in again, often until midday with the sun on my bed, then a leisurely progression to a cafe and on to her place.  Absolute bliss!  What else could a man ask for?  A lovely woman to share his bed, fine food, the great company of supportive friends, music, laughter, fine conversation, I had it all!  And I was so glad that I had made the big decision a few months earlier and had a vasectomy!  There would definitely be no repeat of the unplanned pregnancy drama that had been part of the Cynthia episode!





A view of the countryside around the lovely big house on the hilltop at Horokiwi, where we had so much fun I especially remember the fancy-dress party that was held in the Horokiwi house.  Most of our guests were the “Breath Express” crowd, and we had a ball!  Meagan and I hired costumes, I was Merlin the Wizard and she was the court jester.  But we had also hired another, extra, costume which we kept secret!  After a couple of hours, we slipped upstairs to my room and changed into the other costume, a two-person donkey suit.  We sneaked downstairs, and entered the lounge as if we had just arrived in the front door.  No-one could guess who it was in the donkey suit!  Eventually one bold woman said “Let's see if it's male or female!” and proceeded to grope us!  She announced “It's definitely male at the rear, and feels like female at the front!” Others joined in and we collapsed in a heap of arms and legs and uncontrollable laughter.





Another view of the big house at Horokiwi. The windows of my room are at the left-hand end But after a few months of this total bliss, reality hit.  I remember the first time that Meagan decided that she needed some time on her own towards the end of the weekend.  And on subsequent weekends.  By about mid Sunday afternoon, she would need to spend some time alone, but I wanted the weekend together to last forever!  Rejection!  Why does she not want me anymore!?  She was triggering my “rejection issue”, the same issue that had been triggered in such a major way when Phillipa had ended her brief relationship with me, and I was once again feeling the agony!  Similar thing when occasionally she did not feel like sex and I did (a big issue for many men!)  I remember on such occasions, tossing and turning all night unable to sleep.  It was not the sex that was the issue..... it was the feelings of rejection..... “Why does she not want me?”




The townhouse in Khandallah where we had moved to by the time the rejection issue became really big for me These rejection feelings were very similar to the rejection feelings I had often experienced with Jeanette and Cynthia, but now, having done all of this work on my issues in the workshops, etc, I was a little better equipped to resolve it.  And I had a partner who was willing to help, and who wanted to resolve her own issues.  So we would talk about our feelings, often for hours at a time, and we discovered that if, when these types of issues came up, we could just talk to each other in total honesty and truth for as long as it took, eventually there would be a resolution:  the feeling of the heavy energy would clear, and we would come back into a loving space.  I remember Meagan on a few occasions insisting that we face each other and look each other straight in the eyes while having these talks, and I am very grateful to her for this loving cooperation.




It was not so much that we would reach resolution of the actual conflict issue that triggered off the feelings, it was more that the actual issue would cease to matter as we let go of our underlying emotional baggage that was being triggered.  The seeming reason for the conflict was often trivial, and just a convenient trigger for our unresolved issues.  Because, in reality, what did it matter to me whether Meagan needed some time alone?  I had already spent two nights and two days with her.  My feelings had nothing whatever to do with the real logic of what was happening, and once I cleared the emotional baggage, the actual so-called “issue” ceased to matter.



There was also the issue with Meagan's daughter.  Meagan has two daughters, and the older of the two (13 at the time), was not prepared to tolerate her mother having a boyfriend under any circumstances!  It was not personal toward me, it was just where she was at, at the time.  And it was also just what I needed to assist me in bringing up my own unresolved issues, like my need for a mother figure in my life, and the feelings that came up for me when the children of my chosen mother figure felt threatened by my presence.




During this time, we also used the therapies that I had trained in, flower essences, homeopathy, Reiki, Zenith, and the “M.A.P.” process. These all helped, it would have been much more difficult without them (see further on in the story for more details of these therapies). But the real secret of our success in clearing so much of our stuff was in the process of letting go of our agendas and being willing to just fearlessly face each other in honesty and truth and discuss our feelings openly and fully.


Regarding our use of the flower essences, I would often make up for both of us, multiple bottles of essences, for the various aspects of the issues that we were currently working on.  I recall us sitting up in bed together, each with several bottles of flower essences, taking a dose from each of the bottles as part of our bed-time routine.


Well, I suppose all good things eventually come to an end, and after a year or so of this mainly blissful, occasionally challenging, but always very functional relationship, it had run its course. The old excitement was no longer there, at least most of the time it wasn't.

It began to feel more like a close friendship than a sexual relationship.


Towards the end of our relationship, both Meagan and I began to be involved in a new type of therapy, “Quantum Dynamics”.  Quantum Dynamics could be done in either a group or one-on-one with the therapist.  It was very powerful, and could be very challenging, as it uncovered deeply hidden truths that are often difficult to face up to.  It sometimes included psychodrama type work, inner child work, past-life work, work on deep emotional issues like codependency, etc.


Meagan and I found that we both had many very deep unresolved issues, and in order to work on these adequately we really needed to do it on our own with none of our energy being directed towards a partner in a sexual relationship.  This was a very sad time for both of us: I remember dropping her off at her home one evening after having agreed to the changed nature of our relationship.  We had a final kiss, and she walked up the path to her house without me, and I drove away home to my bed on my own.


Meagan and I are still very close friends.  We experienced a deepening of our friendship, and there is now an easy familiarity and intimacy between us that is probably rare between ex-lovers.  Because we separated in a clean way on good terms, with our issues resolved as much as we were able, we are now able to value each other as close friends.





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“Quantum Dynamics”







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