Peter’s Story
Section Two - Episode Five
“Quantum Dynamics”
Continuing on with the version of the story written in October-November 1998,
for self-therapy purposes.....
Quantum Dynamics could be done in either a group or one-on-one with the therapist. It was very powerful, and could be very challenging, as it uncovered deeply hidden truths that are often difficult to face up to. It sometimes included psychodrama type work, inner child work, past-life work, work on deep emotional issues like codependency, etc.....
For three months, April to June, 1996, I attended a “Quantum Dynamics” session once a week with my therapist, let's call her Lucile (not her real name). I still have the notes she made for me in these sessions, as we uncovered details of many of my deeply hidden unresolved emotional issues, going deeper still than I had gone in all that had gone before..... in my 12-step work, in the “Breath Express” workshops, in my work with the flower essences, and now we were going even deeper..... We uncovered all sorts of things, including much repressed anger, shame, resentment, codependence, pain, etc.
After each session, I would spend time during the week working on the issues on my own. This work included using my teddy bears as actors in my inner-child psychodrama type work, intensive use of therapies like flower essences, sharing with a few close friends, in fact anything and everything that might possibly help.
Just as I had dived passionately into other therapeutic systems like 12-Step work and the Breath Express workshops, I dived into Quantum Dynamics totally, holding nothing back. I expected to be part of the training school that Lucile was to establish later in 1996, and to eventually become a “Q.D.” practitioner like her. But, on 16 July, Lucile changed all that. She told me that I had become unhealthily dependent on her and on Quantum Dynamics, I had become codependent with the therapy, expecting her to do the work for me. And she sent me away, telling me to take a break from Q.D. and to work on my willingness to take responsibility for my own healing.
I was devastated! For a few days, I went into a major state of shock. All of my hopes and expectations had been dashed! I had built myself an agenda that Q.D. and Lucile would “fix me”. And the old rejection feelings came back really strong!
For a few weeks I sulked, like the hurt little rejected boy that I was, but eventually, I thought “I'll show her! The bitch!” And I got to work on my own, with all means at my disposal, to work on my own issues in my own way.
What followed for me, from July to November, 1996, was a period of intensive self-discovery. I spent most of my free time doing this self-therapy work. I would often sit for hours at my desk, doing this work. It's difficult to describe exactly what I actually did, because it was so personal to me. Also, it would take a whole book to impart an understanding of the therapies and methods that I used.
It included lots of inner-child work, as Lucile had shown me, with my teddy bears acting out the roles of the various “inner children”, and it included extensive use of the flower essences, exploring new ways of using these for deep emotional work. It included working with archetypes, with various energy therapies like Reiki, Zenith, “M.A.P.”, etc, reading of various books, listening to tapes, doing mind-maps exploring the linkages between all of my emotional and mental issues, anything and everything that I was drawn to. Much of this work was very intuitive, it was not head-based, but rather based on wherever my heart led me.
And it worked! By November I felt that I had cleared another whole layer of issues. I had certainly cleared the rejection issue that I felt towards Lucile. I now knew that I was ready for whatever life had in store for me next..... maybe even a new “relationship” with a new woman.....
Click here to continue on with the next episode of this section of this (1998 version) of the story......
“Jane”
